Dictonaries Are Dangerous

Diva was looking up vocabulary words. She came across the word 'org*sm' and asked me what it was. (She pronounced it Orgism)

Me: Uh...where did you hear that word?
Diva: I just read it in my dictionary. I think it means to throw up.
Me: Uh...*snort* *snicker* Why do you say that?
D: Well, because your organs do that to you...make you puke.
Me: Uh huh. Well, I'm sure its not in your vocabulary list, so get on with what you're supposed to be looking up.

Geez. Of all the things I never worried about, it was dictionaries!

And yes, explaining what an org*sm is to my 10 yo had me freaked. Menstruation, how her body works in all other areas, fine. That, not so much.

Not What I Had Planned

Called my school board about Tazzie. They have a reading program that he's eligible for. So, I signed him up, figuring, no biggie. Uh huh.

Til I ask, innocently, "So what do I do next year, sign up for this program again?" (Understand, Tazzie isn't 5 until February)

"Oh no. Next year you'd register him for grade one."

My heart and stomach plummeted. Tazzie? Grade one? Next YEAR?! I thought I had two more years before registering him for grade one! I thought he had to be six in September to be eligible. Nope. As long as he's born before the end of Feb, he's eligible. Holy old crackers! Mama wasn't ready for this. No Sir, No Ma'am!

The upside is, I can register him the first year in 'traditional', and then have him reregistered the next year *the year I thought he would be registered* in blended or aligned. (For those unfamiliar, aligned is following provincial standards. Blended is a 50% minimum provincial standards, the other percentage parent led. Traditional is all parent led)

I can't believe that I'm planning to flunk my son for first grade. Girlfriend K says not to look at it that way, its simply having 12 mths to complete 6 mths of work. *sigh*

On the upside, he is homeschooled, so nobody is going to be teasing him. I just honestly can't see Tazzie having the maturity for grade one. Truly. His birthday is smack in the middle of Feb. Two weeks, and he wouldn't be able to register for anything til next year.

And what whacked out school board has end of Feb for age cut off? Mine, apparently.

What also has my heart thumping and racing is that I could have been unregistered with him for a year, completely unaware that he should be. I can't imagine the fall out potential from THAT, legally speaking. "Hello, Mr. Truant Officer. You're here for WHAT?!"

And here's some irony. Princess, our youngest, whose birthday is in Sept, won't be allowed to register for anything for two more years, despite her and Tazzie being a mere 19 mths 7 days apart. She will have to be five before any registration of any kind is allowed.

Weirdos.

Yes, I'm totally committed (or is that should be totally committed?) to continuing our homeschooling efforts, including Tazzie and Princess.

I seriously believe I'm not only doing whats best for my kids, but also my bank account. There's no doubt in my mind that sending the Littles to public school would result in at least one lawsuit from a teacher for mental cruelty.

Flying Monkeys

Now, it so happens, as a homeschooler, you tend to get asked, "Why do you homeschool?" Sometimes its asked of genuine curiousity, even from someone that's considering homeschooling themselves. Othertimes, its asked from someone whose really just looking to be obnoxious and start a debate or argument. Trust me when I say, as a seasoned homeschooler, you begin to know the difference. The belligerent tone of voice is usually something of a clue, lol!

So, I was recently asked, "Domestic Goddess, how do you handle those moments?"

Simple. Flying monkeys.

When someone comes at me in an aggressive tone, looking for a debate, and demands to know WHY I homeschool, I reply, "Flying monkeys." Sometimes I say this calmly and matter of factly, other times I'll say it in a fearful tone, scanning the skies in a worried sort of way.

They never ask you anything again. Trust me.

Its sort of a disappointment to me, actually. See, I have this whole scenario worked out in my head, if only they WOULD continue. Goes something like this:

Woman runs, off, grabs a friend, talks to her while wildly gesturing in my direction. Both women then head over to me.

First woman: "Tell her what you said!"

Me, giving a blank stare: "I'm sorry?"

FW: "Tell her what you said about homeschooling and flying monkeys!"

Me, concerned: "Ma'am, are you quite all right?"

Second Woman: "She says you homeschool because of flying monkeys."

Me, taking a cautious step back from the two women, and eyeing them warily, as if expecting them to suddenly turn into flesh eating zombies,:" Reeeeallly now. How...interesting. Kids? We need to go. NOW!"

FW, getting a bit hysterical: "You did! You said, flying monkeys! You did! You did!"

Just doin my bit to add a bit of interest to a mundane day

Amnesia

Amnesia. This is a situation that happens more than any homeschooler likes to talk about, even amongst themselves, let alone on a public blog...but in the interest of being fully honest and not dedicating myself to propping up the June Cleaver/Martha Stewart illusion that surrounds homeschooling moms, I thought I'd tackle this issue, especially since its been plaguing my house this week, and the home of another hs'er I know in the same city. I'm thinking it *might* be something in the water, or lunar cycles, or our daughters spoke on the phone behind our backs and plotted a revolt, but since we have no proof, we just struggle with it, and resist the urge to thump them up back of the head yelling, "You understood this yesterday! What is wrong with you today? Did something come into your room at night and suck out your memory through your ears? Was it aliens? Were you PROBED?" But we don't. Instead, we grab our cordless phones, a cigarette or 6, and call each other. It keeps us somewhat sane, and saying or doing something that would have our child on a therapists couch in the years to come.
Well, something more I mean. I figure my general weirdness will probably result in a few therapy sessions anyways.

Anyways. Amnesia.

Its when your perfectly typical, perfectly well functioning child who understood her math lessons (could be any lessons, but ours were math) sits down at the table with more of the same lessons, gives you this utterly blank look and announces;

Diva: "I don't get it."

Me: "Huh? What don't you get?"

Diva "Everything"

Me: "You did the same problems yesterday, see?"

Diva: *shrug*

Me: *starts to twitch* "How can you not understand something today that you did perfectly yesterday without a problem?"

Diva: *blank stare* "I dunno"

I have to tell you, Lamaze breathing never did squat for me during labour, but its been much help to me during parenting. This was another time where it was used with great success.

Its not the teaching that's the hard part of homeschooling. Its the amnesia.